Hole In My Holiness

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I truly try. Every day that I awaken I ask the Lord  to use my life to touch the people I come in contact with in a mighty way and come evening it brings me abundant joy to know I am utterly exhausted because I gave all I had with a superhuman strength.

If I accomplish nothing in a day more extravagant than my love, at least I made His presence known.

And days will come where I am simply human.  I feel defeated in ways I am unaccustomed.  My joy and radiant smile dim.  I shed tears that flow like a raging river and I do not want to encourage myself let alone others. My heart hurts to the point of true physical pain. Maybe I know the origin of that pain and can put on the full armor of God and live to fight another day.  Yet other, more vicious days come along where the enemy attacks so hard and fast and I am knocked to the ground so quickly in shock, there is no getting up to get fully dressed. The battle is just to breathe in and out effectively.

It inevitably happens at the conclusion of one year and the beginning of another for me.  It is unexplainable at a time of shiny new beginnings; a time of everyone making resolutions and having revelations.  Everyone gets a do-over, all things are new; yet suddenly I am no longer good enough.

It triggered this time for me when I had to watch my beloved Christmas season happening all around me with the usual excitement and fervor and I couldn’t fully participate because I was sidelined due to a surgical procedure. I watched the happenings on the news and social media, spoke with friends and family daily and moment by moment grew more restless and sad.  I knew this time of healing and quiet was temporary and necessary, yet I felt the depression no less. I was missing out on creating the beauty of the season for my family we were accustomed to, shopping and wrapping presents, sensational meal preparations and decor, visits among family; it was a minor thing, really. But to me, it was everything.  I couldn’t even carry a glass of water from the kitchen to the living room by myself.

It is in these times I am so thankful I have a true and meaningful relationship with the Lord.  He is so faithful to whisper to me such sweet promises, such as “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  (2 Corinthians 4: 17-18). In other words, “this too shall pass”.

I share this with you today, because the enemy loves it when we have a tiny hole in our holiness in which he comes right into our hearts and takes over.  My hole closes right up when I go into battle by first remembering I am a daughter of the risen King, holding my head up high so that my crown remains straight, lest it may fall. My crown is my most triumphant sword.  I must hold steadfast in prayer and worship and fight the battle with the enemy head-on otherwise he wins. There are no off days, those are otherwise known as weak-days.  On weak-days we fight harder, longer, stronger and faster.  He is already defeated; we must consistently and constantly remind our hearts when they are overwhelmed and delicate that our Father in Heaven has won on our behalf.

If you simply have no strength to fight your battle, you must close the hole in your holiness by thanking the Lord in worship. If you are breathing and have a whisper of hope remaining, then you can and should worship.  There is power in your hope and I promise your life will change if you connect the sweet and delicate places of your heart to the strength and power of the heart of your Father in Heaven.  Mountains will move and the earth will tremble.

You were never meant to rely on your own strength.  I cherish how delicate and sensitive and sweet I am as a woman. It doesn’t make me weak because I have the same power that raised Christ from the dead within me thanks to the beautiful relationship I am so careful to cultivate with the Father.

“I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe Him.  This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realm.”  (Ephesians 1:19-20).

Isn’t that a beautiful, powerful promise when you have a hole in your own holiness to be closed?

Believe Him, believe in Him.  How much more power would you need, Princess?

What a beautiful gift we have in Jesus.

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