Forever I will pray, Lord have your way. That is how I begin every day in prayer. Some days that is enough and for others those few words become the battle cry signaling a war to shake Heaven until He hears the anguish of my heart and soul. And although my Father in Heaven hears my heartache before I speak and He captures my tears in a bottle before they fall, He still longs to have me run to His arms for comfort when I hurt.
In all difficulties I may face, He is there. He didn’t and wouldn’t cause momentary troubles, yet this life is so very cruel and it cannot always be beautiful, although with my every breath I try to make it so. In any time of brief uncertainty, I am so thankful I walk alongside Him always with a safe hand to hold. I cling to it in faith for security. I wonder what His children do when they turn from Him and refuse His guidance and struggle alone.
I could never survive.
I normally share the past storms I have traveled safely through that have a landing upon the sunny shoreline safely across the way. Because in those life experiences I know the happy ending and can use those examples as God’s abundant grace and extraordinary love.
Today I share the faith in waiting. Waiting for a difficult diagnosis perhaps? I do not yet know.
I recently found something that needed medical attention and diagnostic imaging. It was confirmed and needed further, more extensive testing for a more conclusive diagnosis.
While I wait for those tests, I pray. And if you know me at all, you know I love the Lord with all my heart. I love my family; I adore my husband, I cherish my work.
Every single breath is a gift to me. I giggle with babies, I kiss puppies and I love people. I dance when there is no music. Every time I enter a room, a party or even a store I act like I know everyone. If you are close enough, I will hug you and even if I do not know you I will likely say that I love you too. I never pass a flower that I do not bend to smell or hear the chirping of a bird that I do not stop to sing along with.
I simply love this life.
I do not want to lose it.
Even in my selfishness, I do not want to be altered, or lose any part of the femininity the Lord has given me. In these moments of waiting and deep prayer, I wonder if I have gods before my God? As much as I love to live, I do worship His creation, His people and all the beauty I am surrounded with in every sweet breath I take. I wondered this ever so briefly and then I heard Him speak so sweetly.
It is impossible to worship without love and it is equally impossible to love without worship.
From my redeemed heart, full of God’s extraordinary love flows the worship of the beauty that surrounds me and from that heart I only know Joy. I know no fear, for there is no fear in love.
It is impossible to see the beauty around me and not know it comes from the heart of the Lord as a gift to you and to me.
It is my sincerest hope to update you next week with a resounding shout of praise for clear scans.
But in my waiting, perhaps in your waiting as well, let us remember the heart of worship and love.
True worship flows from the redeemed heart of one who is fully trusting in the power of God. A heart who is operating in the trust that our sins have been forgiven.
True worship comes from a heart that desires the Lord alone. He is our redeemer, comforter, protector. He holds the answers to all our fears and worries. He knows every outcome.
True worship of our God is a desire to continue to fill our hearts with knowledge of Him. Aside from prayer and Bible study, He should always be on our minds and all we do be in honor of Him.
As you can see, rather than succumb to any fear or give in to worry and allow these days in waiting to overwhelm me, I choose worship. I choose to purify my heart daily and not ask questions, although there are times when I am human and want to revert to flesh. I must be honest, after all.
I have feared. I have worried. I have cried. I have wondered what I may have done to disappoint my Father whom I thought I had pleased.
I am human.
I just cannot dwell there.
I want to live.
I want to live in joy and freedom and abundance and extravagant grace.
And there is no fear in love. There is no worry in worship.
So my prayer for you today is “…that your hearts be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope He has given to those He has called, His holy people who are His rich and glorious inheritance.” Ephesians 1:18
Because as long as I can pray, there is hope. I am chosen.
And forever, I will pray.
Oh, and by the way…
I Love you.